The Gymnasium Muse
A short piece about my inspiration to begin and maintain an exercise regiment
When at first I undertook the arduous tasks of weight loss and frequenting the gym on a regular basis, I did there encounter at the gymnasium a woman whom I will refer to as my Gymnasium Muse. Ah, let me tell you of this woman!
No! Do not mistake my enthusiasm for her as base and vile lust, my friends, for that, I can assure you, was not the case. As most would know, or at least guess, ‘tis very ordinary indeed for a woman to bring a bulge to my pants, but, no, this woman did something quite extraordinary, something quite beyond the realm of eroticism. As a matter of fact, this woman’s appearance did not tickle my pickle in that way.1
Often, when endeavoring seemingly insurmountable feats, especially of a lengthy nature, people will quote the typical Lao Tzu: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step.” And it inspires you to take that first step, does it not? What these people fail to mention, however, is that upon the one-hundred-thousandth step your feet probably feel blistering pain. And this realization left me truly distressed. I was 277 lbs, and I wanted to be 170, and I had not lost even 1 pound yet. But against all of my rational misgivings, I went to the gym anyway because, after all, if you want to journey one thousand miles, you must, ipso facto, take those steps – horseback carriages, cars, planes, and modern transportation of all kinds notwithstanding.
At first, I went to the gym crestfallen, with a sense of brooding certainty that that particular strenuous day would probably be my last. After all, I had taken this first step many times, Lao Tzu. But I would usually quit after walking a few miles. Not this time. Ah, this time I beheld this woman, the wondrous Gymnasium Muse, who then lifted something which no mere set of breasts, ass and legs could.
Ah, this woman! It was as if she were ever present there in the confines of the Wooden Gym. Each and every time I went, there she was, deluged in sweat as if she just emerged from a lagoon of her own perspiration, beneath her, almost literally a puddle, or trickle, or what have you of it. Oh, yes, surely you are turning away, repulsed by this, but I! I was quite taken by this.
If you closed your eyes, and listened intently, carefully, you could hear her laborious breath. If you paid close attention, you could see it in her eyes, that fierce determination to continue, to persevere against the pain. The stationary bicycle, the gluteus; the ellipticals, held by calf and thigh; the exercise ball, the abdominals! This woman did it all! I would watch her, as I exercised, move to the beat of her insatiate drum, follow the patterns of her rhythmic movement. It was true beauty to behold.
And if a thought dared to slip into my mind in the form of a complaint against my exertions, I was immediately slapped in the face with the reminder of the Einstein quote, "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." Yes, this woman did so much more than me, and she did it all without seeming to complain, and this alone lifted my spirits and restored my determination to take the next step, and the next step after that, and so on and so on ad nauseum.
I am, as of February 17, 2010, 235 pounds. 40 pounds lighter than when I began. Alas, the Gymnasium Muse stays at my alma mater, and I must proceed without her graceful presence. Oh, I do quite miss her. But, I have noticed as of late that the gymnasium muse is like a phantom or spirit that will be made manifest within the bodies of others, more specifically, others at the gym. The gymnasium muse is a role to be played, to be filled in. I watch these new “gymnasium muses” take on the role, and they keep me going.
Nevertheless, this woman, the original gymnasium muse stands as the bar, raised above and beyond the reach of those whom I see currently. She is the paragon indeed. She wins the Oscar for her role, whilst all the rest are mere B-list actors.
Thank you, O great Gymnasium Muse, you have done things to me that you will never know, and though I may never see you again, in my mind I will genuflect before thee, and sing thee praise! And I dedicate to you, as a sacrifice, each and every single pound of fat that I burn off! Each and every act of diet and moderation is an act of penance to you. Contrition! Each and every twinkie eaten, a sin against you the almighty Gymnasium Muse. And when I do inevitably falter, as all mere mortals are wont to, will I remember you, and perform pushups, crunches, lunges of the most genuine and sincere atonement.
O Muse, Sing through me!
[1] Thank you, Mimie, for this little phrase. I’m going to use it.
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